What to say first email online dating

Here’s match.com’s relationship expert Kate Taylor with dating advice on how to give great copy.

Anyone who’s ever dated online has had that moment – the blinking cursor, the empty text box, the racing heart, and the brain so temporarily empty, it has tumbleweed running through it. Make yourself a soothing cup of tea, and we’ll talk about how to do it right.

The easiest way to start a conversation with anyone new is to ask a question, so include one.

Tailor it to their interests or their work, or even one of their photos.

This will help spark an idea about where to take the message. I can totally get down waxing all philosophical like while watching Arrested Development and drinking mugs full of coffee. (I think it’s on Amazon Prime so who knows if I’ll ever see it).

Bonus: You’ll find out if you truly want to message this person or if they’re just drawing you in with their physical appearance. Though the message is short, it creates a commonality and allows for a dialogue to easily start.

Some people think it’s cool to copy and paste an identical message to hundreds of other people, like bait in a lake full of carp. I’d like to say there’s no right or wrong way to message someone—everyone has something that works for them—but there is definitely a way.

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Here’s the deal with the messaging thing: a lot of people have their own theories on how it works, what works best, etc. Others try “negging.” Some send long messages about their background and their overall philosophy and what they’re currently doing with their lives.

This past week alone I’ve gotten enough poorly-executed messages to make me want to curl up in a ball of being-alone I try not to lose hope that there can be some genuine connections made through meeting someone on of the internet. I’ve even made several lasting friends from some of my experiences.

The thing is, when it comes to sending messages many people freak out.

Find her on Instagram to stay up to date with all of her shenanigans.

Struggling to think of the right thing to say to an attractive match?

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