My ex is dating an ugly guy

Maria wasn’t discouraged: A week later at a family party, she ran into a guy she used to babysit when he was 12, who had since grown into a 23-year-old (with abs).“He was following me around the party like a puppy,” she told me, “and then he started rubbing my leg under the table. I helped you with your math homework.’ In a better mind frame I probably wouldn’t have fucked him, but I was like, ‘Ya know what—whatever, let’s just do this whole fantasy thing.’ And it turned out to be a really fun, hot experience.” She had hit her sexual stride.“Even though verbally I was saying, ‘I’m not looking for a boyfriend,’ in my head I thought, ‘Yup, we’ll get married—that’s it, I won!’ In hindsight, I just needed a warm body to watch Netflix with, to avoid the existential anxiety of being alone.Think of it like subletting your vagina: Since the previous dick moved out so suddenly, you have no choice but to fill it with a random Craigslist deep house DJ, because you’re too broke(n) to leave it unoccupied until a proper replacement comes along.Type two is what I call the “rampage rebound,” which is when you basically run as far as you can in the opposite direction of “serious” and just have sex with anything nearby and remotely sentient. This is straight Airbnb—and you vet potential visitors in the same way.“For me, rebounding straight into another relationship wouldn’t have been healthy.

“, so he gave me gonorrhea,” she said, nodding in slow motion. Actually, I was strangely grateful that I got gonorrhea, because afterward I was like, ‘Okay, let’s bring it home. “I also learned a valuable life lesson: Never fuck a New York City DJ raw.”People say that casual sex can leave you feeling empty—especially when you’re in a fragile state, like after a breakup. For all of the doctors appointments and blow job–induced neck pain that resulted from her rampage, Maria said that, in the end, it worked—it all helped her to move on.Like, okay, so you’re visiting from Macedonia and can’t speak English and have a tribal tattoo—yes, you’re approved, just don’t break anything.The funny thing about a classic rebound is that, often, everyone can see that you’re rebounding—except you.(Plus, he gives good head.) For some reason, all of your friends get awkwardly silent when you talk about how wonderfully your new relationship is going, but that’s just because they’re jealous. And you’re you’re not in love—you’re an emotional maniac. After a big breakup, the idea of going cold turkey into going solo is low-key terrifying.Without someone to do nothing with, the days are suddenly so creepily long. who do I text when I’m hungry to ask what I should eat for lunch?

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